the bench

I sit on the bench alone

there is an empty space next to me

I watch as the ripples of the water

slowly move away from me

getting bigger as they join

the endless sea

little pieces of me floating away...

choices, decisions, lost opportunities...

in my next life things will be different

the ripples will come towards me

until then I'll sit on the bench

wondering, thinking, dreaming

waiting for the time that

my dreams are fulfilled

and the bench is not empty

7/24/16

Roman Holiday

We had a Roman holiday
you and I
You held my hand
as we climbed the Spanish Steps
You whispered in my ear
"This is how it was meant to be"
We sat at the Trevi Fountain
sharing a pistachio gelato
Your arm draped around my shoulder
you pull me close and murmur
"We will always be together"
You put your hand in the Mouth of Truth*
"I will love you forever"
Your hand came out unscathed 
So I believed
I sit in the piazza
I absently stir my coffee
lost in thought
"I still love you"
you whisper
I hear your voice
carried on the wind
My eyes search the piazza
looking, needing, wanting
waiting

7/30/12

*The Mouth of Truth (La Bocca della Verità) has been considered a type of lie-detector since the Middle Ages. It is believed that if one told a lie with one's hand in the mouth of the sculpture, it would be bitten off. 

skipping stones

somehow she finds herself
at the edge of the lake
the bluffs surround her
she is safe in their embrace
the sand is warm between her toes
she is looking for the perfect one
her eyes are drawn to it
she pick it up
it is perfect
smooth, flat, round
the stone is warm
from the hot summer sun
she holds it tight
she remembers a time when
life was beautiful
a time when they would spend hours together
looking for the perfect stone
he would hold her
and show her how to throw it
just right
it would sail and skip
on the surface of the water
there was not a care in the world
life was beautiful
she looks at the stone in her hand
she gets ready
she knows it will sail
he would be proud
she takes a deep breath
and looks over the calm water
where is her peace
she opens her hand
the stone falls soundlessly 
onto the sand 
life was beautiful

7/23/12

Lonely

I am lonely

I feel your breath on the back of my neck

I am not alone

You wrap your arms tighter around me and sigh gently

You are at peace

But I am lonely

I want so much to push you away

To tell you that I am dying inside

I am dying and yet you sleep peacefully

I am angry, I am hurt, I want to cry

There are no more tears

No  tears to keep me company

I am truly alone

So sleep and be at peace

As I slowly fade away

Into my loneliness

1/8/2011

broken wings

i stare out the window

when did the world

pass me by

i need you

together we would have flown

i wouldn’t be standing here alone

but you left me on my own

standing on the edge

of something so beautiful

unaccompanied you took to the skies

you didn’t teach me

how to spread my wings

they are broken, unused, useless

i need to learn

come back to me

hold me

love me

fly with me

10/24/11

colors of life

She gazes across the lake. The water is teeming with life and she is dead inside. She would like nothing more than to bathe herself in the water so that it might breathe some life back into her. She doesn’t know if she can be alone. She will be all alone. Nobody to comfort her. Nobody to hold her as she cries all the tears her body holds. Nobody to hold her hand as she grieves for her loss.  Nobody to tell her that she is loved. She tries to hold back the tears that are threatening to spill from her eyes. If she starts now she fears that she will never stop. She closes her eyes.

Once upon a time there was a girl. A girl filled with life, filled with love. She touched everybody she met. She left a little bit of her glow with those who crossed her path. She loved life and she truly felt that life loved her back. She was the flower that never stopped blooming. A colorful flower that spread her color to everything around her. When did the petals start falling? When did the flower of so many vibrant colors turn to shades of grey?

Now there is a girl who cries endless tears. She cries on the inside for lost colors, for lost life. The pain is unbearable as she feels pieces of herself being torn away. She is a broken, wilting flower. She wants to reach towards the sun, but it seems so far away. She curls into herself. She is alone. She weeps for the girl she once was.

She opens her eyes and the threatening tears spill down her cheeks. She has an unyielding urge to go to the water. She feels the water with her toes. It is cold and sends a shiver through her body. She knows that she can’t go slowly. She needs to stop thinking and take a risk. She closes her eyes and tries not to think of the coldness. She searches for the warmth that is buried deep within. She opens her eyes and looks at her reflection. She is surrounded by so many magnificent colors. She takes a deep breath and she jumps.

7/2011

suffocation

I am hurting

I am suffocated by

your anger

I cannot breathe

Your words

weigh down my soul

I suffer as I

gasp for air

Let me breathe

You used to

be my breath

You filled my body

with life

Don’t take my

life away

Give me the air

I need

Let me go

7/2011